Negotiating Life Cycles Together

"There is a set moment for every event under the sun:
A time to be born, and a time to die . . . ."
                                    - the Bible; Ecclesiastes 3

On the journey between birth and death, each of the “events under the sun” of which Ecclesiastes speaks —whether the circumstances are joyous or tragic— finds us turning a corner into a new and uncharted chapter of our lives.  It is comforting to know that we don’t have to negotiate that tenuous journey alone.

At every kind of turning-point in our lives we have the company, solace and support of our neighbors in the Jewish community.  By their presence at the sacred moments of your life, Rabbi Gross and Cantor Weiss represent not only the richness and wisdom of our fabulously ancient Tradition but also the good wishes and compassionate support of every member of our caring Congregation.

The outline of available services below will tell you not only how much we have to offer you, but how much we care.

Members, and Welcomed Neighbors 

In general, by Congregational policy the availability of the Rabbi or Cantor to officiate at life-cycle ceremonies is a privilege that is reserved solely for Temple members and their immediate families: parents, siblings, spouses, and children.

At the same time, Temple Beth Orr is a dynamic faith community which affords full services as much as possible to anyone who comes in the door— Jewish or not, member or not. Many life-cycle milestones and associated services (as itemized below) are available to unaffiliated Jews, as a courtesy in general but also as an encouragement for them both to feel welcome at and to become part of our caring Congregation.

- Birth -

Our birth ceremonies do not so much establish the Jewish identity of the child as assert the Jewish commitment of the parents. These milestone moments invoke the support of the Congregation in helping parents raise a youngster who will be a vibrant part of our community of faith.

Naming

• Members of the Congregation may invite the clergy to officiate at a naming ceremony in any venue.
• Everyone in the community is welcome to present their child of any age before the Congregation at Friday night worship for a formal public naming ceremony.
• Everyone in the community is welcome to consult with our clergy on the selection of an appropriate Hebrew name for a child whenever this information is required, either pending a birth or any time thereafter.

Circumcision (B’rit Milah)

• Members of the Congregation may invite the clergy to co-officiate with a moheil (or other qualified and licensed surgical practitioner) at the ritual circumcision of the members’ son, nephew, or grandson.
• Everyone in the community is welcome to consult with our clergy on the facts about ritual circumcision (especially when there is reason to postpone beyond the eighth day) and for recommendation of qualified mohalim in the area.

Pidyon haBen(Redemption of the First-born)

• Members of the Congregation may invite the clergy to officiate at the ceremony for the redemption of the first-born at one month of age.

- Education -

The opportunity of enrolling children in our Rosenberg Religious School, at any grade level, is reserved for Temple members in good standing.

Consecration

• Members’ children in grades Kindergarten through Three who are first starting in their career of formal Jewish education are invited to take part in our Consecration ceremony, which is usually scheduled for a Friday night early in the new academic year.

Bar- and Bat-Mitzvah

• Members’ children who are within one month of their thirteenth birthday (by either the Jewish or civil calendar), and who have completed the requisite educational requirements, may present themselves to the Congregation as Bar- or Bat-Mitzvah candidates at any public worship service where the Torah is read.

Confirmation

• Members’ children who have completed instruction through grade 9 in our Religious Education program may enroll in the Confirmation class during their sophomore year; attend the Confirmation Retreat weekend with Rabbi Gross; and may participate in the Confirmation Shabbat at the end of that school year.

Graduation

• Members’ children completing the 12^th-grade program in our Judaica High School partner program participate in County-wide commencement exercises. All members’ children finishing their senior year in high school receive an invitation to a special college send-off Shabbat sponsored by our Sisterhood.

Lifelong Learning

• Members of the Congregation can receive “Keva” certificates from the Union for Reform Judaism in recognition of having completed a hundred hours of ongoing adult study in our synagogue courses.
• Members of the Congregation may enroll in our adult Bar- and Bat-Mitzvah program.
• Everyone in the community is welcome to participate in our array of ongoing learning experiences for adults of all ages. Members of the Congregation enjoy reduced tuition for all lifelong-learning courses in which a fee is charged.

- Marriage -

Human companionship is a fundamental need, as expressed by God in the Torah: “It is not good for humanity to be alone.”

Engagement

• Members of the Congregation may celebrate their engagement in the synagogue with an appropriate congratulatory blessing or aufrufen to honor the future bride and groom.
• Everyone in the community is welcome to consult with our clergy for information on the Jewish calendar when selecting a wedding date, or to determine the earliest permissible start time of a wedding being planned for a Saturday night.

Wedding

• Members of the Congregation may invite the clergy to officiate at their wedding ceremonies, in any venue selected by the celebrants and their families (subject to the availability of the Rabbi or Cantor).

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Speaking of Weddings, Note That . . .

. . . it is a gracious gesture to notify the clergy when a member of your family becomes engaged, so we can have the opportunity to extend our congratulations and to make your happiness known to your Temple family.

. . . it is important to consult with the clergy before scheduling a wedding, for information about their availability and questions of the Jewish calendar. This is especially the case for a Saturday night chuppah, since sunset time varies throughout the year and we do not hold wedding ceremonies until Shabbat is fully over.

. . . it is a requirement of both Jewish and civil law that at the time of the ceremony the couple must either hold a valid marriage license or already be civilly married.

. . . in the Jewish tradition a wedding need not be conducted in a synagogue, but may take place in any venue appropriate to a sacred and joyous ceremony.

Conversion

• Everyone in the community is welcome to consult with our Rabbi for information about giyyur (conversion) or to undertake a course of study leading to formal entry into the Jewish faith community.
• When a candidate for conversion is married or engaged to a Jew, it is proper and appropriate for the Jewish fiancé/e or spouse to serve as mentor and spirit-guide by participating as fully as possible in study and worship, and by affiliating with the Congregation.

Anniversary

• Members of the Congregation may invite the clergy to officiate at appropriate ceremonial celebrations of milestone anniversaries.
• Everyone in the community is invited to come to the bimah in the course of our monthly first-Friday “Celebration Shabbat” to receive the Rabbi’s congratulatory blessings on the occasion of their wedding anniversary.

Dissolution

• Everyone in the community is welcome to consult with our Rabbi for marital counseling, and if necessary for information about or assistance in administering delivery or receipt of a get (Jewish divorce).

- Death -

The end of life also represents a life-cycle moment, because our supportive involvement goes far beyond the one who has died. The obligations of k’vod ha-meit (“honoring the dead”) last only for a day or two following the moment of death; the entire Congregation is involved with the ongoing obligations of nichum aveilim (“consoling the bereaved”) for at least a full year after the burial.

Death and Funeral

• Members of the Congregation impacted by the catastrophic illness and possibly impending death of a parent, sibling, child or spouse may call upon the clergy for visitation in the hospital, hospice, or nursing home, and to administerviddu’i shachiv mei-ra (deathbed confessional).
• Members of the Congregation impacted by the death of a parent, sibling, child or spouse may call upon the clergy to help plan for, and to officiate at, funeral or memorial services.
• Everyone in the community is welcome to consult with our clergy for counseling and solace upon the impending or recent death of a loved one.

Shiv’ah (first week of grieving)

• Members of the Congregation may call upon the clergy for support in conducting in-home memorial services daily during the initial week following the burial of a parent, sibling, child or spouse (if the schedules of the clergy do not permit, they will furnish a qualified Congregational lay leader).
• Everyone in the community who is in mourning may join us at worship, on which occasion we will share solace by including the name of their departed in that week’s Qaddish listing.

Sh’loshim (first month of grieving)

• Members of the Congregation who are in mourning are encouraged to attend Shabbat worship, when the names of those recently departed are read aloud in the Qaddish listing for the first full month following the death.
• Members of the Congregation may call upon the clergy to conduct a sh’loshim s’udah study-and-worship ritual to mark the end of the first month of mourning.
• Everyone in the community who is in mourning may join us at worship, on which occasion we will share solace by including the name of their departed in that month’s Qaddish listing.

Unveiling

• Members of the Congregation may call upon the clergy to conduct a ceremony dedicating the gravestone of a loved one at any time after the first month of bereavement.
• Everyone in the community is welcome to consult with our clergy for resources on the content and conduct of a ceremony dedicating the gravestone of a loved one.

Memorialization

• Everyone in the community is welcome to memorialize their loved ones by sponsoring a tribute page in each year’s Congregational “Yizkor” book and/or a permanent memorial plaque in the Sanctuary.

Absolutely nothing. Your synagogue dues as a members support the Rabbi and Cantor full-time, so that they are always available when you need them.  Although a direct gift to the officiating clergy (or to their respective Discretionary Fund) is a gracious gesture of appreciation at the option of the individual, no fee is ever expected or required when the Rabbi or Cantor officiate at a life-cycle event for a member of the Congregation.

It would be appropriate for unaffiliated Jews in the community who are welcomed to Temple Beth Orr for a life-cycle milestone, to make some kind of supportive gift to the Congregation in honor of the occasion. Our Administrator will be glad to discuss giving opportunities with you, and to help make the necessary arrangements.